I just caught myself having that sick thought:

„Damn. It seems like I could survive this day. I ate enough, and there is enough additional food in the kitchen. I drank around 1,5 litres of water already, and water enough is in the reserve there too.

My house has the average outside security, namely working d o o r s and the people I’m living with seem trustworthy.

More or less. But they seem to respect and need me, and probably would have a hard time replacing me, so I must not have a hard time sleeping in safe and secure.

(Yeah, my parent’s still live at my place.)

Anyways, at this rate, I could easily survive this weekend without leaving the house.

Just for a moment…Because I want to try it out…

Checklist of Life:

Surviving ☑

Being Happy ☐

Hell yeah, that feels great!

Well… What now? What should I do now? Are there any tasks? What’s the goal?

Then I had some deeeeep thoughts about happiness.

It’s actually not that important so feel happy at any given moment, in fact, it’d be quite healthy to have these variations of feeling:

This is just the mathematical, abstract illustration of emotions. In nature, it may not be exactly that, but emotions still be bouncing up and down, no matter what.

Having „downtimes“ is completely okay. These downtimes may also just be the „absence of emotions“ while you are focusing on work, and getting sh*t done, without apologizing to other people, without feeling bad for no reason, and hindering your productivity and the people around you, to reach maximum potential, just because of your short-term pleasure/experience. Being happy while having no task, no duty, is okay though, but these times won’t last too long, I promise.

Me: „But I thought I control my feelings…?“

U: „You do, but here’s the thing: These are your real values, your real feelings. But they aren’t the ones which indicates how happy you really are!

The exterior also has expectations of you, and when these two things differ, then you are not truely happy.“

So, in the end, being happy is no short-term goal.

It gives you a goal, to fulfill existential expectations, and the expectations of those people who think better of you.

Don’t fulfill the expectations of people who think like Pawns. They tear you down.

Listen to the expectations of your family, the one you already have, or are going to have, be it by romantic relationship, or really close friends.

To those, who think better of you, than you think you are.

Fulfill these expectations, and then you are „worthy“ of feeling this happiness.

Don’t get your feelings to block your abilities of solving problems and answering questions though.

Speaking from experience, it lowers the social status of all those around you, even your most loved.

Just focus on your tasks, deal? I think, no, I am CERTAIN that you can be a queen.

So you can d e s e r v e to be happy!

That’d be better than saying: Just be happy!

Everyone has to deserve it first!


Veröffentlicht von Ventusator

Eigentlich bin ich manchmal ganz nett. Sometimes I may actually be nice.

3 Kommentare zu „Damn

  1. The strange thing about happiness is the modern concept of „finding“ happiness in the context of if you do these things and apply so much effort then you will get a result, being happiness. The reality is happiness is found in moments and reflection on moments past in which we find those things that bring us joy. Looking at your son as he grows into a man and remembering when you were his world and his innocence was beautiful. That is a moment of happiness that can be revisited time and again. Particularly when your reality is a moody teenager. 🙂

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    1. Exactly. The main ideas of life are also probably just your memories and your mindset. Nothing more.
      (My inner self is still screaming: „Why is it so simple and obvious?!“)
      In the end, all you have to manage, is to have no regrets on your deathbed. And you do that, by letting the positive memories be in the majority. Either by really having them, or to see it through a filter of positivity, your positive mindset.

      (Ironically, having that filter earlier in life, already gets you real positive memories, that are also remembered by even the most neutral or negative filter of others as positive.)

      If you have everything you need, you survive.

      Thats step one, don’t mess this up.

      Everyone can control, of what they’re thinking, and what they wish for.
      If you have everything you wish for, you’re happy.

      That’s step two, do however you want to do this.

      And the lesson I had to learn was: Even if you ARE surviving AND happy already, you ought to keep on going, and just try to keep this state as it is.

      My younger self just thought: „Well, that wasn’t too hard now. But everyone still tells me to just: Be happy! (?)
      I guess I achieved it, so I don’t have to live anymore now, do I?“

      Me present self now knows, that happiness is rather not a short-term state, but something that wants you to live, no matter how much sense it would make, or how you think about it.

      Real Emotions are life. Real emotions are nothing you can control.

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